Get Inside My Head....If You Dare

I haven't posted anything in a couple days, and now that I have a little time, I can get some thoughts down. I've decided to let you see just a little more of my complicated life. Some basic facts, I am female, 40 years old, I detest shopping, even for groceries. I'm afraid of heights, but would love to try sky-diving. I don't like being told what to do, I am my own person after all, but I would not like to be put in a managerial position. I don't have a favorite food, but love Chinese and Moroccan. I like to eat things now that I detested as a child, I figure my taste buds have matured enough to enjoy alot more foods. Plus I have discovered that my mom was not a very good cook, things she would cook I really hated, but now as I cook them they are enjoyable. I don't believe in planning, organization, or being neat, but I do have an extensive DVD collection and they must all be in alphabetical order. Of course my Johnny Depp movies are by themselves, in alphabetical order, all my box sets are together in alpha......you get the picture. I am mainly a slob, I hate cleaning, except when my hands are cold, then I can do dishes to get them warm and it doesn't bother me. I live with the love of my life, who just happens to be a neat freak and so darned organized one could pull their hair out. He has a cabinet file with everything neatly alphabatized and in order. He always knows where to find what he is looking for, me, I search until I remember where I last had it. And it is really amazing we have lived together for almost a year and it is total bliss. I throw my socks on the kitchen floor, he picks them up, he works diligently all day, so I cook and do laundry to make his life easier. I was raised Catholic, and really detested it, going to church day after day, doing the same things and people believe they are being saved. It wasn't the route for me, so I kinda gave up on the religious aspect of my life. Allan, my love, is spiritual, and I picked up a book he had in his library. It felt like coming home, it's hard to explain. Today I was searching the web and came across this link: http://www.gnosticteachings.org/ . Like I had said, I don't like to be told what to do, and the gnostic teachings resound in me. I had thought this way for years and never knew there was a name for it, I never searched it out, it was always so clear inside of me. So now I am on a quest, like in Monte Python's Quest of the Holy Grail, I shall don my coconut shells and journey afar in search of the light inside myself. We are all walking around with eyes open, but not seeing, knowing but not understanding. May we all find our own light to walk in, and Happy New Year to all.